Australians are shit at passing. Sucks to be you Kyrie Irving.

BY BEN

So for a while now we’ve being claiming rising NBA star “Aussie Kyrie Irving” as our own.

Irving was born in Melbourne and lived here when he was a baby before his professional basketball playing father returned to the States. But still he has dual citizenship and it’s been a thing for some time now where we decide to claim whoever we want as Australian. Kind of like Russel Crowe or Tom Cruise before the couch jumping or Mel Gibson before he was racist (maybe Australians still love Mel, it’s hard to tell sometimes).

This week the two time All-star has been copping a fair bit of flack as his newly formed super team boasting Lebron James and Kevin Love sputtered to a 1-3 start to the season.   Irving has come under attack for taking too many shots and not passing the ball and when you look at the stats it’s hard to argue. Irving is averaging 3.8 assists per game and in the last two games has gone six quarters without a single assist. What makes this truly mind blowing is that he has two of the most dangerous offensive players in the NBA waiting for him to pass the ball, one of whom is the best player in the world. As it becomes increasingly clear Aussie Kyrie Irving can’t pass the ball we here at the Sportress have compiled a short list of some other Australians who were shit at passing as well. Don’t worry Kyrie, it’s an Aussie thing.

5. 2006 Melbourne Commonwealth Games 4x100m Track Relay Teams

I know we’re shit at athletics, but this was the Commonwealth Games in Melbourne. Commonwealth Games is different. All of a sudden we should be awesome at everything. Remarkably in the men’s and women’s finals both Australian teams dropped the baton on the last exchange. The women were able to regather the baton before it hit the ground and claim bronze but the men team that featured Matt Shirvington aka “White Lightning” failed to finish. Sprinter Patrick Johnson was later quoted as saying “Them the breaks”. They are the breaks when you’re Australian and can’t pass.

4. Brent Harvey’s Greatest Point of All Time

In 2010 Boomer streaked down the ground against the West Coast Eagles with 7 bounces and with a team mate on his left and a team mate on his right he decided to go it alone and kick one of the greatest goals of all time….It hit the post. Should of passed it, but with a name like Boomer we shouldn’t be surprised.

  1. Ricky Ponting and Mick Lewis defending 434 at The Wanderers 2006

This one’s a bit unusual, but it’s an Australian list so we have to have cricket. In cricket it’s the captain’s responsibility to pass the ball to the bowler who is going to get the job done. Now I love Punter, but he is shithouse at this. You can give him credit for passing the ball to Warne and Mcgrath in the golden years if you want. But to me that is about as obvious as Irving needing to pass the ball to Lebron and Love. Let’s keep going. Ponting’s concept of cricket seems to revolve around the idea that batsmen and bowlers are involved in a brutal duel to the death from which neither participant can ever retreat. In 2006 Ponting destroyed each of the South African bowlers in the 5th and deciding game with 160 runs off 105 balls as Australia set a world record target of 434. In defending the total Ponting then repeatedly passed the ball to a helpless Mick Lewis who became the first bowler in one day international cricket to concede 100 runs in 10 overs. Australia went on to lose the match in the final over and the series 3-2 and Mick Lewis was never seen again. Either you live or die when Ricky Ponting passes you the ball. Mick died.

2. Justin Hodges’ and Brett Hodgson’s infamous State of Origin Passes

When looking at rugby leagues worse passers I couldn’t separate these two.

State of Origin, Game 2, 2002. In the first half debutant Justin Hodges comfortably cleans up an Andrew Johns grubber before throwing a pass way over Darren Lockyer’s head in the in goal area gifting NSW a try and the lead. Remarkably Hodges then did exactly the same thing in the second half but was saved the second humiliation when the video ref ruled Shaun Timmins to be offside and disallowed the try. Hodges took two weeks off club football to clear his head and work on his passing.

State of Origin, Game 3, 2006. NSW was on the brink of winning their fourth consecutive State of Origin series holding a 14-10 lead. Enter Brett Hodgson. With 7 minutes remaining Hodgson threw a long speculative ball to no one gifting Darren Lockyer the game and the series. Queensland would continue on to win 8 consecutive Origin series and Brett Hodgson would continue to suck at passing.

1. Matt Dunning’s field goal for the Waratahs in 2003.

And the winner has to be Matt Dunning. In 2003 the Waratah’s were chasing the final spot in the semi-finals. The Waratahs needed a four try bonus point victory to claim the spot. With time running out and the Waratahs in desperate need of a try prop Matt Dunning calmly slotted a field goal from 30 metres out. Dunning later said he was trying to stop the advantage being played so the Waratahs could of received a penalty…..and kicked a penalty goal I guess. Pretty shithouse excuse.

Here at the Sportress we say too much talking, not enough passing. Sucks to be you Kyrie Irving. Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, Oi, Oi, Oi!

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