The Company We Tweet III: Rugby League edition

Is my favourite sports star a prick?

It’s a question as old as old as time. As we watch the games, and sometimes the news, we wonder “wait, why did he do that? Is he a jerk?”

The answer is of course, probably. But a more nuanced answer can be found if we delve into the depths of people’s social media accounts. Here at the Sportress we have shown repeatedly that just by looking at who our sports stars follow on twitter, it allows us to peel back the layers of onion, revealing the truth-bulb at the core of them.

What follows celebrates the diversity of characters that make up the National Rugby League.

Paul Gallen @PaulGallen13

Follows: Footballers. All of them. Ben Barba, Willie Mason, Jack Bird, Andrew Fifita, Greg Bird, Michael Jennings, Todd Carney…if you’ve played football, Gallen follows you (possibly because he wants to find you and thump you but whatevs). Loves him some other elite sportspeople too (Davy Warner, Sally Fitzgibbons, triple-jumper Tay-Leiha Clark and Danny Green) and elite trainers, like Biggest Loser’s Shannon Ponton. And of course, as required by the elite sportsperson handbook, a few random attractive girls. And notable former leaders of the NSW Liberal Party, Barry O’Farrell and Kerry Chikarovski.

Verdict: Paul Gallen likes sport, tits and conservative politicians. Sounds like he’s from the Shire.

Adam Reynolds @Rendiggiti

Follows: Other footballers? Tick. Elite sportsmen? Tick. Attractive ladies? Tick. Greg Bird, Ray Warren and Dave Smith parody accounts. The Block fan club. The entire Australian cricket team. Also follows the Illuminati, Charlie Sheen, Rihanna, LFMAO, Chris Brown, Jess Mauboy. And the Gold Coast Titans.

Verdict: Conspiracy theory – the mixture of shitty music accounts and the Titans account can only mean that he’s following Daly Cherry-Evans to the Gold Coast.

Robbie Farah @robbiefarah

Follows: Footballers, elite sportspeople, hot chicks, VB (because?), horse racing accounts, gambling accounts, Barry O’Farrell….

Verdict: Anyone else sensing a theme here?

Cameron Smith @camsmith9

Follows: Footballers, elite sportspeople (mostly V8s – he’s a Holden man, and tennis – chose Fed over Nadal). Distinct lack of boobs. Lots of marketing and brand accounts. Several charity accounts, including Ovarian Cancer Australia.

Verdict: It must annoy Farah that Smith is better than him at everything.

Mitchell Pearce @mitch_Pearce7     

Follows: Footballers, elite sportsmen (Nick Kyrgios, Michael Clarke, Mike Tyson, Anthony Mundine). More elite trainers. Some shitty inspirational quote accounts (Coach Carter and the Dalai Lama). A couple of ‘weird facts’ accounts. And of course he follows an account called ‘Eye Candy’ because googling ‘tits’ has proved beyond him.

Verdict: Diversity is an old wooden ship used during the civil war era.

Mitch Cornish @cornish07

Follows: Footballers, young ladies. Some mixed martial arts accounts. Manny Pacqiuo and Floyd Mayweather (Dude. Pick a side). At least 15 different property accounts, an account “Bringing God’s word to the world” and another called ‘Athletes for God’. Canberra’s token morning radio dickheads, Scotty and Nige.

Verdict: Mitch might possibly be the most boring man on earth, but for Raiders fans all that matters is he won’t end up doing this, this or this.

Trent Merrin @TrentMerrin

Follows: The usual (other footballers, elite sportsmen, attractive ladies etc). Likes his NBA – follows Durant, Blake Griffen, Ricky Rubio, Kobe, CP3, Andrew Bogut and Canberra’s own, Patty Mills. Two separate Illuminati accounts. Musicians Kendrick Lamar, the Weeknd, Drake, and Eminem. And then there’s Justin Bieber.

Verdict: Look we at the Sportress are middle-class white males born in the 80s so of course we love basketball, Kendrick Lamar and Drizzy Drake. But Trent. Bieber? Seriously?

Josh Reynolds @joshreynolds9

Follows: So many attractive ladies. Groupies, models, elite sporstwomen and members of the Legends Football League. Someone who says “You can’t handle all this evag, so keep your edick in your pants”. The entire back catalogue of models from Zoo and Nuts. Someone who’s bio says they’re a “fleshlight girl” (don’t google that if you’re at work) and a no-fooling, actual, factual, sex worker.

Verdict: Maybe keep your edick in your pants Josh.

Josh Dugan @josh_dugan

Follows: Sure there’s heaps of footy and tits. All the UFC. Johnny Knoxville. Daniel Tosh. FHM UK, Tattooed Girls Account, Macklemore and even Kim Kardashian. But there’s also the Closing the Gap twitter account, the Indigenous Excellence account, the Black Dog institute, The White Ribbon Account and Beyond Blue.

Verdict: Josh Dugan. Sneaky decent human being. I’m as shocked as you.

Brenton Lawrence @_brentonjames

Follows: White Ribbon Australia, the Bachelor and the Block, Home and Away actors, the Thorpedo, a couple of sailing accounts, Malcolm Turnbull, Tom Gleeson, Dave Hughes, Pete Hellier, and Chris Rock, Australian Wheelchair Rugby players, Woden Valley Rams (wut?), Liz Hayes and Peter Overton, an autism awareness account, Jessica Mauboy, QandA, the Age, National Geographic, NASA, Rupert Murdoch, Emma Watson, Rusty, Marky Mark, Zooey Deschanel,, Justin Timberlake, Justin Bieber, Tay Tay, Khloe Kardashian, Charlie Sheen, Operah, Pink, Britney Spears, Katie Perry, Macklemore….

Verdict: I’ve never been so thoroughly confused by a twitter account. Is he a 16 year old girl? Or is he the thoughtful intelligent man we are led to believe? Does he have the worst music taste on earth? Why would anyone with half a brain follow Rupert Murdoch?

Maybe Brenton is just this dude who has lots of respect for women, wants to become a diplomat and just loves to tear up the dance floor after games.

Still doesn’t explain Rupert.

Conclusion: This was the most disappointing Company We Tweet we have done to date. After the extensive research done for this piece, desperately trying to find someone who didn’t just follow sport/boobs, we can confirm that the clichés about league players being boring boofheads who like footy and boobs and not much else has been confirmed and is now officially a fact. Science!

We would sincerely like to thank Brenton Lawrence for being different and mixing it up. Finding Brenton’s twitter account allowed us to stop trawling through league player twitter accounts and for that we are incredibly grateful. Brenton we owe you a beer.

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