10 Things About the NFL: Week 4

BY DAN

The NFL happened again this week. As per usual it was full of ridiculousness.

5 Up

The Pats had a week off from making everyone look silly. The Packers effectively took the week off, easily beating every idiot’s Australian’s favourite team – the 49ers – without actually playing well. The Cardinals celebrated being elevated into the top five by promptly crapping the bed against St Louis. They were close, but Carson Palmer went full Palmer with the game on the line, overthrowing receivers on consecutive plays to turn the ball over on downs. Seattle struggled mightily against the awful Lions, but at least brought us the first case of ‘illegal batting’ that didn’t involve a shamed man being escorted from a toilet block.

Baltimore are close to being banned from this hallowed section after only beating a Pittsburgh team missing it’s starting QB because the kicker, and the coach, were awful. The Broncos defence might be so good that Peyton’s noodle arm is irrelevant. They are officially in our top five now.

Da Bears (Are Awful)

Look at that winning smile!
Look at that winning smile!
Good news. The Bears won. Not real convincing, but Jay is a little bit happier today. At least the game had this

Tom Brady narrative watch

Current Narrative: Saving the Kids.

Tom Brady came out in his bye week to point out that maybe we should chill out with all the super-specialising of youth sports. I don’t care what Jets fans say Tom, you’re a good dude.

People Being Cranky Cos the Pats are Better Than Them

Today’s ‘illegal batting’ controversy even impacted the Pats in their week off, when everyone realised the only person who knew that rule is Bill Belichick.

Roger Goodell Performance Rating
Rating: Even quieter than normal

Clearly Roger is plotting something dumb.

Players I love

Adrian Peterson, when he’s not abusing his children, is an amazing football player. He did this on the weekend.

This Week in Aaron Rodgers is God

Rodgers had a quiet week by his standards. But check this out. Rodgers is just dancing out there.

The NFC East

Man this division is so depressing. Dallas lost to the rubbish Saints. Philly lost to Washington, making the dumpster fire that is Chip Kelly’s regime explode into a full-on factory fire.

But hey, the Giants beat the Bills. So there’s that.

5 down

The bottom 5 had a pretty good week. Washington, the Bears, and the Saints all won. The Jags lost in the most jaggiest fashion, missing multiple field goal attempts that could have tied the game because they are the Jags and they can’t have nice things.

The Browns stuck it out with the Chargers before they remembered they were the Browns – they called timeout as the Chargers missed a game winning field goal attempt, thereby allowing the Chargers to have another shot at a game winning field goal. The second attempt won the game. Seriously. Watch it.

Jarryd Hayne Watch

Nothing exciting. Just a couple of punt returns. Fumbled a ball but didn’t lose it so it’s all good I guess. Meh.

This Week In Songs Tenuously Linked to Football – Joan Obourne and the Funk Brothers “What Becomes of the Broken Hearted”

DETROIT!

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