Origin Late Mail

SOO

BY ROB

Having brought you all the accurate super scoops prior to Game I we reached out to our sources once again to keep you, the fervent Sportress fans, fully informed ahead of a possible decider on Wednesday night.

  • Sam Thaiday says he still has more to give, and is asking to take Alfie Langer’s spot as 14th Head trainer. “Yeah, I reckon I can bring a little bit of impact in short 30 second bursts” said Thaiday on Monday, clearly not understanding the role of a trainer.
  • Meanwhile Kevin Walters will be monitoring every Maroons player and what their output is as a percentage. “We’ve figured out that the only way for them to give over 100% is for them to start from a negative percentage, therefore every player is being starved for two days before the game while also being exposed to CIA sound torture techniques – we expect most players to give between 103 to 109%, although someone may manage to crack 110%.”
  • Valentine Holmes has a message for the youngsters following in his wake – “Make sure you nab that Australian jersey first” said the winger at a Maroons presser on Monday. “It lets selectors know you can actually be picked for things, and if you’re lucky enough some of your peers will f*&k it up in Game I, giving you a shot at Origin. Also, don’t break curfew when you’re in the emerging squad camp.”
  • Boyd Cordner meanwhile is extremely proud of his 100% success rate as Blues captain. “I actually thought about passing the torch following the first game just so I could go out on a high. I mean I’d keep playing in Origin, I just wouldn’t be responsible if we somehow botch this series…”
  • Laurie Daley was keen to show off the team straight jackets that several Blues players use in the lead-up to game day. “Yeah they’re special order mate, we’ve got three custom ones for Dugan, Ferguson and Pearce. Basically we do a light training drill in the arvo, and the trainers just tag them with these tranq darts, and then we have them strapped down and buckled up before sunset. Blake’s been having a bit of sleep apnoea recently, so we got this trolley which keeps him upright, borrowed it from Anthony Hopkins himself, he’s a massive Blues fan.”
  • Josh McCrone is being investigated for forging playing documentation after he was busted posing as a 19 year old in the junior Blues camp. “Yeah, that was a weird one” says Lozza. “He probably would’ve made it onto the actual stadium for the game if someone hadn’t cracked a joke about McCrone during an opposed session at training on Sunday. When the defensive coach went to pull newcomer Tosh Favrone off his team mate all of his prosthetics came off, the guy’s standing there holding a fake schnozz bigger than mine.”
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